Hehe.
I'm dating Paul now (yes, the "brother from another mother" that I mentioned previously, and no I never honestly -wanted- to think of him as that, it's just as close as I thought I'd be getting, lol) and he hasn't gone funny on me. He's still the same sweet, charming, cuddly and protective guy he was when I met him. Still full of advice and stories. Still my rock.
It's a honest relief to know he won't go weird on me, like one guy did, who we shan't name (*hack*brandon*wheeze*)

---

I've started working with (only once a month at the moment D my friend Jennifer and her horses - Cookie (Appaloosa x Mustang) and Angel (Cookie's filly. 1/4 Appaloosa 3/4 Mustang) and, I come to find out I'm getting more confident with Cookie - even though apparently she's really aggressive with Jennifer and her mum some days (Biting, kicking..)
She's never even hinted to do it to me, but then, I'm the only person they know (even amongst themselves) who can just walk up to the mare without her shying/bolting/getting aggressive and begin to love on her.

It's so strange - One day, when her mum told me how I was the only one to go up to her like that, I got more confident in myself and with her. She lets me lean on her, and I even ran my down her leg (I didn't think about it, I just wanted to continue the way my hand was going down her shoulder and flank) and she didn't flinch, nor offer to kick. She just kept eating. I only realized I was running my hand down a fairly green-broke mare's leg when I was down near the cannon bone (thats just above the fetlock.. Right?)

Now I've got the horse-bug.

---

I'm getting my security card soon. Yaay. I think it's that card anyway XD
Whatever card it is you need before you can get a job (I'm sixteen if that helps), I'm getting soon. I'm likely going to work at Publix (Grocery store) as a bag-girl... I'm -terrible- at numbers, so I'd likely give the wrong change XD So, BAG-GIRL IT IS! I don't mind that, my dad was a bag-boy and he learned a few valuable tricks of the trade to keep your sodas and such from falling through the bottom of the bag, ways to save your bread from being crushed, and  how to keep your eggs from breaking (much) LOL.

When I get my job at Publix, I'm going to start saving my money so that I can buy a cheap-priced horse. And, whats sad, is I don't think I'll be able to save up and keep up to 5 k. Being a girl, I don't think I could just sit home and let the money sit there X.x
Against the advice of friends on a site, I'll likely be buying a green-broke horse or a filly. It's probably a bad idea waiting to happen - because I'm a beginner - but I know enough to survive and give my horse a fairly happy life - Even if I can't ever ride my horse, I'd be happy with a companion.

Nyaw.
I have the best mates evar!

So, here I am, all jhgG because I’m upset. Paul IM’s me. I hear one of the voices in my head go ‘YAY COWBOY!’ as the IM pops up.

We talk for a minute, and then I send him the link to the journal. Oh dears.

He proceeded to tell me that Red’s death was not my fault in any way.

I started to cry. There are a few reasons.
I was thinking about my dog.
I was astonished that my ‘Rock’ and favorite person to talk to when I’m upset was actually online and not away so we could talk.
Me and Paul were chatting like we used to ages ago.
And because I felt so funny having someone talking to me while I’m down and being all big-brother.

I’m a dork. I know.
Steph’s always there for me. I love her for that. She’s my wife. ^_^
Paul leh Cowboy. He makes me feel all happy and ‘yay I have a brother from another mother!’ And, he and Steph do a combo on me – even without being all in the same convo with me. They make me feel protected and loved.
And when either tells me that, I get all funny. Close to crying some more when that happens XD

Hrm. I’m emotional today. Hehe.

I <33 them both.

For you two reading this; I’m kidnapping you both. FWAHAHAHAHAHA

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m good for nothing. Sure, I may seem ‘great’ and ‘awesome!’ to my friends, but, I don’t think I am.
I’m fully aware I’m not a good sister. My brother made it apparent when I was younger that I wasn’t good enough. My sister makes it apparent I’m not good enough. I don’t play, I don’t chat, I don’t simply hang out.
I gave that up a long time ago. My friends are the only ones whom I like to be with.

Cori doesn’t realize I’m acutely aware I suck as a sister. So, she *always* tells me I’m a bad sister, but in other words.

Okay. So, I suck, and I’m reminded everyday. Thanks! *eye roll*

–

I basically killed my angel. My companion, and my favorite love (besides my wifeh)
I was seven when I got him, fourteen when he finally died. He was so thin the majority of the time.
I didn’t know any better. I do now, but I don’t trust myself.
I loved him, and I basically starved him. I love my dad, and I’m afraid of his anger – he’s never hit me or anything, but I don’t like upsetting him.

‘Don’t go and feed him unless I’m home, and don’t feed him after dark. I’ll do it.’ ‘Okay daddy…’
I should have known better, I should have disobeyed, I should have taken care of him like I was taken care of.

I started to take care of him better, during the last few months of his life. I was fourteen, I watched Animal Planet consistently to learn how to take care of him right. He was getting so much better. And then he died.
 
Killed by a snake.

My fault.

–

Our dog Cloey, who is like a little sister to me, but not loved as dearly as Red – he was my angel, has sprained her right hind. I almost cried when I noticed the limp. I thought she may have been bitten by a snake on the abdomen/between her hind legs.
I checked, thankfully, no snake bite.

She’s getting better, thank god. She’s putting weight on her foot.

–

My dream – to own a horse before I have to move out, and to work at a stable. Currently, I can’t.
No stable work for me until I’m out of the house. No horse for me until a year of working in a stable.

Fine.

I’m not even entirely sure I should own one until I’m grown and settled down somewhere with a lot of time on my hands to take care of a horse.

I don’t trust myself.

What if it rots away, like Red?

I’ll die.

–

Another dream – Own a few dogs of my own when I get out of the house.

I don’t trust myself, again. I can’t. What if I hurt them? Like I did to Red?

–

Le sigh. Too much time to think, and too much time to be depressed.

"Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire."

Nothing has ever been more true.

&&

Britney sat at a small table, only big enough for two, with her friend Steph. Rum seemed a good enough friend to take that night, and so the girls lost their normal 'lets wait for some bloke to come to us' and have instead to pick out one or two guys and try to hit on them. Britney spotted two young men over at the bar, one with long, shaggy black hair and the other with sandy blonde hair.
Steph had her sights on another pair of men on the opposite end of the bar, both looking darkly at the pair Britney had picked out, the older man was drop dead gorgeous, with well-kept brown hair, and the younger man had black hair that was kept pulled back.

Britney slipped off her chair and flashed a grin to Steph, and then jogged over to her picks, and Steph did likewise.

They danced for a few hours with their partners, and ended up dragging the men back to their rooms.

___

The younger man, Reggie, was wasted and passed out on the couch in Steph's room. Rodolphus, on the other hand, had Steph pinned to the wall and was doing things that children shouldn't ever read about until they are grown.

I assure you, they'll be done in a few hours. They'd already been at it with Reggie as well, but the poor boy couldn't keep it up. (*wink*)

___

Britney was laid out between Remus (the sandy-blond) and Sirius (The black haired one), her head and hand on Sirius' chest, with Remus curled around her back. You know that saying 'two heads are better than one?' well, so are six pairs of hands.

I love this girl. Seriously, I do.

We have been friends since 2001. We met on a sim horse game (http:hshsim.net), and hit it off specatcularly. I was shyer than she, but that didn't bother us any. She helped me come out of my shell and well. Become me. Uptight was my middle name and my forte. Now, I'm  more relaxed and enjoy life more because I look upon things with a fresher outlook and I accept who I am.

We've planned on building/owning a Ranch together for quite some time. Probably the majority of the time we've known each other. I've always wanted to visit her, and then take her with me to own a ranch because, well. I trust her, her opinions, her thoughts, and generally would follow her anywhere.
She's smart, sweet, funny, and deadly protective. She's horse crazy, like myself, and even writes, draws, photographs, and manipulates photos like I do/did.
I used to think of her as a long-lost twin sister, because we were even born the same month and year - only a few weeks apart.

Now, I think of her as my wife. Lol. I dooo. I love the girl to death. I seriously pine after not talking to her for a while. Once, she was offline for a few days and I didn't know why, and I started to panic wondering, 'WHERE DID MY STEPHIE GO!?!?!' and imagining the worst scenarios.

She's even very patient with my endless questions about photoshop/whatever and how slow I can be. I'm like, part snail, and she's never said anything cross about it.

Anyway.

Today, I came to a sad thought; That I'll never do or be what I want to be when I can really be all that I want to be and all that I want to do. All day, since the thought, I've been depressed, and sad, and hating life - mostly.
I got online, told Steph. What does she do? Cheer me up and feel like everything is alright, everything will be perfect, and we could even camp out at her Uncle's place. It's moments like those, when everything seems alright, alright everywhere - not only just with me and my friends, but all over this dinky planet of ours, that I really love those I have close to me. Mostly Steph, because she's stuck with me through all of the shit I've put the poor gal through. I adore her.

And, that's only some of the reasons I call her wife ^_^

I update often. I either edit the post, or add a new one. The /same/ day. Fear me.